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雙語有聲 | 伍迪單口相聲:不幸福的童年

2019-12-24 22:54:52  每日學英語
Unhappy Childhood

 

I was talking about this on TV last week. I escape always into a rich fantasy life, that comes from an unhappy childhood.

上周我就在電視里談論過這個。我總是逃離現實生活而沉浸于絢麗多姿的幻界,這是由于我不幸福的童年導致的。

I come from a poor family. My father worked at Coney Island. He had a concession on the boardwalk, where you knock over milk bottles with baseballs, which I could never do for my entire childhood.

我來自于一個貧窮的家庭。我父親在科尼島上工作,他在博德沃克大街上經營著一小塊游樂場,就是那種你可以在里面拿著棒球擊倒牛奶瓶的地方。可是在我整個童年中,我一次也沒有擊倒過。

There was a tidal wave at Coney Island, when I was a child, ripped up the boardwalk and did about a million dollars worth of damage, houses and everything.

有一次巨浪沖上了科尼島,那時我還是個孩子,沖毀了整條博德沃克大街,造成了約一百萬美元的損失,房屋等等的一切被沖個干凈。

The only thing left standing was those little milk bottles, y'know.

你知道,唯一屹立不倒的東西就是那些小小的奶瓶。

I was, I would say, over-disciplined which is really humiliating. I had to be home nine thirty, prom night.

可以這么說,我被管教得過于服服帖帖,這真的很丟人。我必須九點半回家,還是畢業舞會的晚上。

I made a reservation at the Copa Cabana for five o'clock.

我在“科巴卡巴納夜總會”預訂了一個五點鐘的桌子。

I took my date and we watched them set up.

我帶著約好的女生去那里,看他們布置場地。

I was, as a matter of fact, when I think of it, terrorized as an adolescent. I was not that young when it happened, I was...I guess about thirteen or so at the time, and was on my way to an amateur music contest.

說實話,回想起那件事我當時真的嚇壞了,我還是個青少年,也不算很小了,我想當時大概十三歲左右,事情發生在我去參加業余音樂比賽的路上。

And, my family is musical, you should know that, my father used to play the tuba as a young man, he tried to play the tuba, he tried to play "Flight of the Bumblebee", and blew his liver out through the horn.

我們家很喜歡音樂,你們應該知道,我父親在他年輕的時候吹過大號,他想學吹大號,他想吹《野蜂飛舞》,差點沒把肝臟從喇叭口吹出來。

Now I'm on the subway with my clarinet Jerry jazz musician style, unwrapped and everything, and these twelve guys come running through the subway. Really hairy-knuckled types, y'know,raced through there.

我當時正坐在地鐵里,帶著我的單簧管,學著杰瑞爵士音樂家的樣子。這時有十二個家伙在地鐵上跑了過來,真的是那種連指關節上都長毛的家伙,爭先恐后。

Apparently they just come from a settlement house, y'know' as they were dribbling a social worker as they went through the car.

顯然他們是剛從“社團之家”【1】出來,你知道,因為當他們跑過車廂時,拿一個社會義工當運球玩。

They stop right over me, y'know, because I was conspicuous, 'cause I had just eaten a sea-food lunch, I had forgotten to remove the lobster bib, y'know.

他們到我跟前就停住了,因為我看上去比較搶眼,因為我中飯剛吃了海鮮,忘了把圍兜摘下來。

So I looked like a farmer with a fat tie, y'know, with Neptune on it.

因此我看起來就像個鄉巴佬,戴著一條碩大的領帶,上面還畫著海神尼普頓。

They stand over me, they start cursing and smoking and tearing up seats, y'know.

他們站在我旁邊,開始罵罵咧咧,一邊抽著煙一邊撕扯坐墊。

I don't say anything, y'know, I just sit there, look down, continue reading 'Heidi'.

我一聲不響坐在那里,低著頭,繼續讀我的《海蒂》【2】。

All of a sudden the leader puts his finger under my neck, like this, and goes...

突然之間,他們的頭目把手指放到了我脖子下面,就像這樣,然后一提。

I got up. He snapped his knee up, quickly, and I refused to give him the satisfaction of doubling over.

我站起身。他彎曲膝蓋,猛地一抬,動作非常快。我拒絕朝前彎下身子,讓他看我的笑話。

But I did one of the greatest imitations of Lily Ponds, you've ever heard. I hit an M over high C.

不過我的確發出了你可能聽到過的最厲害的對莉麗·龐斯【3】的模仿。我觸到了高音C之上的M調。

Showed up an hour late for the music contest. Came in second anyhow.

音樂比賽遲到了一個小時,不過我仍然拿了個第二。

I won two weeks at Interfaith Camp, where I was sadistically beaten by boys of all races and creeds.

我贏得了參加兩周“信仰交互營”【4】的機會,在那里我被所有不同種族和不同信仰的男孩們暴打。

【1】英國和美國的社會慈善組織,舉辦社交、教育和藝術等的活動。

【2】瑞士兒童文學女作家約翰娜·施畢利的代表作,被改編成各種藝術形式而歷久不衰。

【3】莉麗·龐斯,法裔美籍花腔女高音歌唱家。

【4】為了給具有不同背景、不同信仰的青少年提供同吃、同住、同玩、共同成長的機會而舉辦的集體營。

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